Dear Little One
It’s three o’clock in the morning, and I’m sitting in a tiny room of a guest house in Kuala Lumpur, Malyasia. I know you are also awake, and your movement is a refreshing reminder of new life and grace. Since the other guests might think I’m crazy if I start talking to you, I decided to write you this letter instead.
Yesterday, I had to leave Thailand because my temporary visa expired before your dad’s work permit was completed to support my non-o visa application in Bangkok.
Being seven months pregnant, the airline refused to allow me on the flight, so we had to rush to the nearest hospital for a new medical certificate (the one I had was older than a month) to prove that I’m “fit for travel“‘.
Before you arrive in this world, you might as well know that your life will probably not be “normal” by any standards.
While most of my friends are decorating baby rooms and going for regular check ups at fancy, sterile OB-GYN offices in preparation for their due dates… I’m just learning how to say in Thai: “I want a natural childbirth”.
Instead of buying a car seat or stocking up on various baby necessities and supplies, we’re still figuring out a simple mode of transportation which will be safe for you, too, in a country where most babies are held in one hand while the parent is driving a motorcycle with the other.
And yet I have so much peace in the middle of all this uncertainty because I know that everything is going to be okay. We might not have any insurance in this world, but we know we’re covered by the One who has it all covered. Covered by His love that never fails, endless grace, and hope that never shames..
It might seem reckless to the world, but I’m learning that faith doesn’t need a backup plan.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.’ [Proverbs 3:5-6]
I want hope, faith, and love to be enough – enough to make a good mother out of me, one day at a time. I trust that God will complete His good work in us by teaching and moulding us along the way….even when we make mistakes.
I know perfectly well that I cannot promise you a good future in a worldly sense based on money and material goods. However, I can certainly promise to offer up prayers to guide you on the road to eternity. I will dedicate my time and energy to train you up in the ways of the Lord, and to lavish you with a love that comes from God above.
I pray for wisdom that goes beyond knowledge.
It’s so tempting to run to the internet for answers instead of the Bible. To “google” solutions instead of praying for guidance. I don’t want to fail you as a parent by accepting worldly standards that demand that we provide you with “the things money can buy” instead of the real treasures of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control.
It doesn’t matter how many languages we are able to speak, where in the world we live, or how much money we have in the bank… If we do not have love we have nothing to offer you.
I hope to hold you in my arms one day soon when the word ‘love’ will make a little bit more sense. I have a feeling we have many lessons in love ahead of us on life’s journey as a family together, and you will be a mighty teacher.
Image credit: Pixabay
PS! If you enjoyed this post you will be sure to enjoy my book: A story of Pregnancy and faith: In hope of what we cannot see.