I’ve wanted to write this letter for a while now, but I just couldn’t find the right words. I know in the waiting and the searching there are numerous questions and advice that one would prefer not to hear. The last thing I want to do is to add to the “noise”.
So I’ve decided to offer honest, unedited, and straight-from-my- heart comments and everything I wish I had heard during my own period of “waiting” a short time ago.
I remember all too well, the waiting, the hoping, the watching as all my friends got engaged, married, and starting to have babies. It feels like yesterday when I was stuck in the rhythm of work and play and being out there looking for adventure, hoping for love, always coming back to an empty apartment.
I remember getting married in my head more times than I care to remember and praying, always praying for Mr. Right of the moment to also “fall in love with me right now”.
And I know how tempting it is to think that the waiting will finally be over and the struggles will cease as soon as you say those words “I do” and sign on the dotted line, assuming that the happily-ever-after dream will be guaranteed by a marriage certificate.
You can tell I was a dreamer – I still am – and I’m guessing you have slightly more realistic expectations of life. I’m just sharing from my own personality and experience.
However, I have learned that one will always be a “lady in waiting” no matter what one’s relationship status is because life is a game of waiting. Nevertheless, hope is always in the waiting and praying and having faith that His promises are true.
The waiting may involve marriage, direction, babies, pay checks, or medical results. Or, perhaps you’re waiting for change in those around you (or in your own life), for His “Kingdom to come” and to be manifested.
In the meantime, everything that makes life worth living happens in the waiting, in the searching, in the learning to fully become who God created us to be by loving unconditionally and dying to ourselves daily to choose to forgive ourselves and others.
I remember taking a baby gift to a young married couple with a newborn years ago (on behalf of someone else) and they said something that I did not understand at the time; but somehow, it stayed with me. They said, “Marriage is the first revelation of how selfish we truly are; having a baby is the second.”
I want to say, “Enjoy this selfish season and the transformation it brings in you.” Pursue what fascinates you, do what you love, chase hard after God and the dreams He has for you. “You” will never be defined by someone else, your gender, profession, or class, but by your identity in Christ.
Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t love God as a prospective spouse, hoping that you will win him over in marriage. Trust me, being able to pray together is the only proven way to survive all the curve balls life will throw at you. You don’t want to face life’s storms alone. God is the only true “constant” in life; everything else will fade, fall away, disappear, or turn grey.
I hope that you will wait for the “I do” before you give away your heart, your body, and your soul; although signing on the dotted line doesn’t guarantee unswerving love, it is the only way to know for sure that he is ‘the one’.
Even if guilt-free sex in a God-centred-marriage (in other words two imperfect people allowing God to shine through their cracks) is not all it is made out to be, it is definitely worth waiting a lifetime for.
If you’ve made mistakes – like all of us have – simply embrace the grace held out to you. It is never too late to make a U-turn or change direction. And if you find someone worth your time and your love, always give him your respect first. Respect is the love language men understand best.
I hope that in the waiting you will rest in the good news that you are already called “beloved” by the Lord, and, therefore, also worth waiting for.